the prayer of Jabez

Oh, that You would bless me indeed,
and enlarge my territory,
that Your hand would be with me,
and that You would keep me from evil,
so that I may not cause pain!"

"Enlarge your territory and increase your impact. Attempt something large enough that failure is guaranteed - unless God steps in."

thanksgiving

It is always upsetting when a holiday's original purpose is completely lost. It's even more upsetting when the purpose is twisted into the polar opposite of its original intent.

When Lincoln decided to adopt the tradition into a national holiday, Lincoln said:

No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy. It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently and gratefully acknowledged as with one heart and voice by the whole American people.

--Proclamation of Abraham Lincoln (October 3, 1863)

History is clear that the holiday's intent had very little to do with turkey. But the gluttonous binging of food was not enough for the twisted progression of Thanksgiving. Instead, it has now grown to doorbuster deals on Black Friday--waking up at 3AM to purchase things you don't need has become the highlight of the weekend for some people, overshadowing the previous day completely. The overindulgence has become commercialized in a society where consumerism has become a religion.

I have to admit that I did not fast this Thanksgiving, lest I condemn myself into hypocrisy. I figured it was just one day, and that the Church Fathers didn't foresee a national holiday of turkey-eating. But I missed the point completely--the original purpose of this day was not to give thanks by indulgence. Indeed, even before Lincoln, the Pilgrims did not at all envision a Thanksgiving as an all-you-can-eat buffet. Instead, it originated as a gathering in the Lord's name for prayer and fasting. Thus, while many Orthodox Christians may cringe when the calendar calls for fasting a day before turkey day, it is actually the perfect start to a season of humble thanksgiving.

the "progressive" downfall

One of the strangest things about society nowadays is how upside-down mainstream views are portrayed in the media. For the most part, a traditional choice is looked down upon as being somewhat boring or irrelevant. For instance, those who make different choices regarding sexual orientation are often praised for coming out and telling everyone about it--to the point where schools and employers will see it as a plus just for stating that you choose another orientation. It is pushed as tolerant, accepting, and progressive. Also, if you disagree with those life choices, you are a closed-minded, gun-wielding bigot who refuses to adapt to the times.

But it doesn't stop at sexual orientation. The feminist movement has been pushed to the point where any sort of male pride is equated to chauvinistic masculism. It's challenging to find a show or movie that portrays a man as a leader--intelligent, passionate, loving, strong. Instead, the woman is always picking up after the man and cleaning up his messes in life. Well, it seems that this country has conceded to feminists, and it has now gotten to the point where, for every 100 women in college, there are only 77 men. Society got what it asked for--women leaders, emasculated men. That's "equality," right?

And that's where the word "tolerance" becomes a mask for what's really going on--liberal agendas surreptitiously infiltrating society. It is truly scary to see what the next generation will have to deal with. I am hopeful that the flaws of the current system will be self-evident, and perhaps a correction will result, where men can freely be men, and women freely be women.

educating the poor

I get the feeling that, when serving the poor (literally, spiritually, emotionally), people tend to look at them as in some way inferior. This could be as innocent as considering them the younger brethren, while we consider ourselves as counselors or helpers to them...like we are doing them a service.

We are always ready to make a saint or
prophet of the educated man who goes into cottages to give a little
kindly advice to the uneducated. But the medieval idea of a saint or
prophet was something quite different. The medieval saint or prophet
was an uneducated man who walked into grand houses to give a little
kindly advice to the educated.
--Chesteron's Heretics

It is the poor who teach us. Stop preaching to them. Start listening.

trendy

[The disciples] forsook all and followed Him.
--Luke 5:11

[The disciples] all forsook Him and fled.
--Mark 14:50

effortless virtues

It's been said that nothing worth anything comes easy. A problem arises when the Christian, living in this microwave society, aims to achieve a virtue--patience, faith, hope, love--using the same effort it takes to make a pop-tart.

The very virtue we aim for must be defined first. Take, for instance, patience. Anyone can be patient with pleasant people--but that is by definition not the virtue of patience, it is mere reciprocity. The virtue of patience does not arise until you have met one who absolutely does not deserve your patience. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Similarly, with faith, it is said, [y]ou believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that. In other words, there is no such thing as a virtue that comes easily:

Hope is the power of being cheerful in circumstances which we know to be desperate. It is true that there is a state of hope which belongs to bright prospects and the morning; but that is not the virtue of hope. The virtue of hope exists only in earthquake and eclipse. It is true that there is a thing crudely called charity, which means charity to the deserving poor; but charity to the deserving is not charity at all, but justice. It is the undeserving who require it, and the ideal either does not exist at all, or exists wholly for them. For practical purposes it is at the hopeless moment that we require the hopeful man, and the virtue either does not exist at all, or begins to exist at that moment. Exactly at the instant when hope ceases to be reasonable it begins to be useful.
-- Chesterton's Heretics, with my emphasis

why everything sucks

artificial ingredients

Red 40, Blue 15
Hormone injections and

Too much supply?
"it will look good on my resume"

artificial ingredients

I was looking at my mom's old General Electric egg-beater the other day. The thing is at least 30 years old, but still works exactly as it's supposed to. It seems as the decades rolled by, there was no progress, but a regression. Today, we have more things with less substance. Nothing is built to last--electronics, [American] cars, relationships--there are virtually no things in this world that are genuine anymore.

Ever hear the phrase "it will look good on my resume"? Yes, you have. It's a way to manufacture our resume so that it appears good to some future, unknown employer (who apparently is too obtuse to see that this purported genuine interest is not some false desire to please him).

Obama's latest "Cash for Clunkers" is yet another way to artificially manufacture something--in this case, by artificially creating a market for cars people don't actually need or want, but will buy because of the incentives. Manufactured. Not real, and thus it won't last.

Nothing without passion will last very long. If there's no heart behind it, no genuine, legitimate interest in the thing itself, you cannot expect that thing to last

beauty in vagueness

Some of my favorite lyrics are those that have just a chance of being utterly meaningless. Yet in so being, they have profound meaning. The things that that can be fully grasped by the mind are no place for the heart to go. The heart seeks beyond what the mind can grasp; as soon as it is fully understood, its appeal is gone.

"There are those who argue that the right to privacy is of [a] higher order than the right to life... that was the premise of slavery. You could not protest the existence or treatment of slaves on the plantation because that was private and therefore outside your right to be concerned. What happens to the mind of a person, and the moral fabric of a nation, that accepts the aborting of the life of a baby without a pang of conscience? What kind of a person and what kind of a society will we have twenty years hence if life can be taken so casually? It is that question, the question of our attitude, our value system, and our mind-set with regard to the nature and worth of life itself that is the central question confronting mankind. Failure to answer that question affirmatively may leave us with a hell right here on earth."

--Jesse Jackson

quid est veritas?

A simple question asked.

Silence.

The Answer gazes into his soul.

try me

Anyone who's worked very hard on an assignment and hands it in to a professor or employer knows what it feels like to get something out there without knowing if it's good. You feel vulnerable for a moment, as the professor pores through your paper.

How much more so when you are presenting your life to the eternal?

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.
--Psalm 139:23-24

Terrifying.

earth day

At the risk of sounding like a tree-hugging hippie, I have to get something off my chest.

One of the biggest downfalls of man, I think, is to get to the point where he feels entitled to things. "I've worked hard, so I deserve to be irresponsible."

But take a simple example: one works hard doing X, and does well. And in doing so, he feels like he has a right to purchase this amalgam of aluminum, rubber, wood, leather, extracted from all over the earth, and assembled into a large oil-consuming machine. Is it just me, or does this seem extremely disproportionate? What did he possibly do to have this sense of entitlement so as to take from the creation whatever he pleases for his enjoyment, without at least acknowledging that it is indeed a gift? We're all guilty, but most have lost that sense of guilt.

Perhaps people don't think about the environment too much for whatever reason. But I believe that being responsible with what isn't ultimately mine is not only an indication of good character, but in a way, it is ultimately partaking in divine work.

standing on the shoulders of giants

Everyone wants to come up with something new and call it his own. It's easier to be proud of yourself when you can say "I did this completely on my own" than to acknowledge that you were indeed helped. But such a statement is not only arrogant, it's simply false.

It may come as a surprise to some that the founder of modern science as we know it was humble enough to admit that he was merely a dwarf standing on the shoulders of giants ("nanos gigantum humeris insidentes"). Isaac Newton understood that he could never have discovered those laws of physics that came to be a defining moment in scientific history by himself. Yet sadly, scientists of the common era want to stand on his shoulders when it comes to his scientific discovery, but would rather step down when it comes to his belief in God. And thus they are reduced to midgets.

Toward the end of his life he said, "I do not know what I may appear to the world; but to myself I appear to have been but a little boy, playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself, in now and then finding a smooth pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me."

Acknowledging his smallness, he became a giant upon whose shoulders we can stand and see much, much farther.

when naive optimism becomes deadly

In response to North Korea's missile launch, Obama came up with a brilliant plan. "Let's all hold hands, sing together, and convince Pakistan, North Korea, and Iran to get rid of their nuclear arms. But since no one wants to do it, we'll do it first! We can change the world. Yes we can!"

Honestly, this news pushed me over the edge. It means one of three possible things:

1. Obama is truly a naive or arrogant idiot who believes that countries with people who wish to destroy us will voluntarily give up their weapons;
2. Obama has some sort of scheme wherein he says "hey, we don't have any weapons" when in fact the US will retain some, which would never work because everyone else will likely do the same; or
3. Obama wants to destroy the U.S.

The end is near.

mea culpa

People often like to defend themselves with long-winded statements and phrases that justify their actions. A long, drawn-out confession can take hours and say absolutely nothing of any value. The brilliance is in the simplicity: "I was wrong. I am sorry. Forgive me." Perhaps we like to complicate things to hide the wretched truth.

But what is forgiveness? I used to think it was simply saying, "it's okay, forget about it" or "it's no big deal". But it's not about minimizing the harm by somehow tricking yourself to thinking that it wasn't a big deal. False. It was a big deal, and it hurt me in unspeakable ways, but knowing that full well, I still forgive you.

starting fresh

hear Me
cease to speak
that I may speak
shush now

declaring war

Last Sunday, the Gospel reading in the Coptic Lectionary was about the temptations of Christ. As soon as He began fasting, the temptations began. They came from all different fronts: temptation of the body, temptation of the mind, and saving the worst for last, temptation of the soul.

Beginning any sort of spiritual climb upward must begin with a declaration of war. As soon as the fast begins, the soldiers start invading, surrounding on all sides. You can't approach it with fear, or be incredulous about it. It is full-on warfare with the darkest of forces.

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
-St. Paul, to the Ephesians

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. Brilliant really. He waits for you to put your armor down. He waits for your mistake.

I was going to end on that note, but it's too dark and depressing. There is a light, but it won't be seen till after battle. It's not a hill, it's a mountain; as you start out the climb.

The light waits at the top, if you persevere.

keep it simple

The worst of us are a long drawn-out confession. The best of us are geniuses of compression.

stop helping God across the street like a little old lady

doing more with less

Throughout the scriptures, we are constantly reminded of the paradox: less=more. Five loaves and two fish feed a multitude. Two coins are worth more than an empire. A young man and his friends become stronger despite the reduced intake of food.

I've decided I'm going to stop being a bum and start doing some sort of physical exercise. Maybe posting it on a blog that has a readership of three (slowly increasing) will cement this promise to myself. In any case, I'm starting this new exercising thing during lent, when all I can eat are the variations of soy, beans, and soy beans. Because in essence, fasting is about doing more with less - becoming more efficient in a way. Getting rid of the excesses and focusing on the important. And despite the decreases, I should see increases if I do it right.

the desert fathers

This is worth your hour's time, trust me:

when you work it out

From today's Lent reading:

[The disciples] came to Capernaum. When [Jesus] was in the house, he asked them, "What were you arguing about on the road?" But they kept quiet because on the way they had argued about who was the greatest.
Mark 9:33

Arguments about who's better (either out loud or internally) are not only childish, they're simply wrong and misguided. If I were to argue that I was a better person than you, it would entail the following:

1. Knowing absolutely everything about myself
2. Knowing absolutely everything about the subject I'm comparing myself to
3. Accounting for where I came from, all the things I was given v. all the things I've achieved (pretty much the same, if you're Christian)
4. Accounting for all the other person's setbacks that were out of his control (born with a golden spoon or in a broken home)
5. Somehow quantifying and balancing all of these factors to come up with an absurd result

The point is, it's not only pointless, childish, and un-Christian, it's simply inaccurate. All I can ever know is myself, and when I work it out, I'm worse than you; given all of my blessings and my gifts and talents, I can never claim to be better than anyone because I know how poorly I've managed these blessings.

(continued)
Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, "If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all."

I imagine when He sat down, He let out a sigh of disappointment. Why argue about something so stupid? Christ could have easily said "umm, hello...I am the Alpha and Omega...I win. Owned." But He didn't stoop down to that childish level. Instead, he flipped the entire situation on its head.

I can only hope the disciples didn't later argue about who was the least of them.

lost in complication

It's been said that those who are smart can take a complex subject matter and simplify it, and those who are not will take a simple subject matter and complicate it.

Take the current financial crisis; the average American is no doubt confused (as I am) about how the bailout will work, what the causes are, and so on. But at its root, it's a simple problem: people are buying stuff they can't afford.

Likewise, I always feel like people cover up their behavior with obscene complications to justify their actions.

you're not that important

I noticed lately that I've been attached to the hip to my cell phone. I'm constantly checking for messages, voicemails, and missed calls, while on my laptop constantly clicking the rainbow-colored Gmail logo to see if anyone has sent me an e-mail in the past .23 seconds that Gmail maybe didn't get a chance to update. Meanwhile, I shift over to the facebook tab on Mozilla to see whether anyone has sent me a message, poked me, wrote on my wall, or sent me an invite to a group/event that I can reject/ignore/delete. One more shift on the tabs leads me to my school's e-mail, which I need to check at least hourly, just so I can see if a professor has sent me a reading assignment that I won't do that night.

Clearly, I am sick. I am not even remotely important enough to be constantly connected, nor do I ever want to be. It sometimes amazes me how people used to live before this information age. Can you imagine - families actually had to talk to each other...in person?! What?!

So this is a promise, really. For lent, in order to heal this paralyzing disease, I am going to available less. A lot less, at least in electronic format. Now before all two of you get severely depressed as a result of not interacting with me for extended periods of time (days!), just know that it's for the better.

defer your rights

As the world gets more crowded and sources more scarce, I find myself in an increasingly competitive and cutthroat environment. Everyone is shooting for the top, never content with what they have, always wanting to one-up the next guy. The goal is to do well; unfortunately, no one really cares about doing good. People don't defer anything to anyone - it's all about my rights and what I deserve.

There are those who are constantly fighting for their rights and looking out for their own self-interest, and then there are those who are not at all interested in themselves. They understand that there is a bigger picture that is being painted.

Before Lot and Abraham was a garden-like land flowing with water, with room for only one of them. Instead of fighting for his rights or competing to the death for the land, Abraham backed off:

Abram said to Lot, "Let's not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herdsmen and mine, for we are brothers. Is not the whole land before you? Let's part company. If you go to the left, I'll go to the right; if you go to the right, I'll go to the left."
--Gen 13:8-9

Lot, of course ran after the more beautiful land where Sodom and Gomorrah lied, leaving Abraham with the unspectacular land of Canaan. The wiser one accepted his land in humility after happily deferring to his brother's choice. Of course we know how this turns out for Lot.

Those who know when to defer are truly the wise ones. Everyone else will find their treasures they fought so hard for quickly turn to trash.

More on this issue later, as it's been on my mind lately...

stop reacting

keeping up with the jones's

altruism?

Over the years, I have found myself becoming less and less convinced with the idea of altruism. Selflessness is, if it exists in the human race, an extremely rare occurrence.

The false Christian often prides himself for doing a good act that returns to him nothing but a "thanks" and a great "feeling". Perhaps he even did the kind act in private, so that he does not receive outside praise. Good for him. But he still gets that good "feeling" in return. And thus one must ask, am I truly being selfless, or am I acting in a way similar to those who enjoy the pleasures of the world (but on a slightly higher level)? Indeed, a pagan can go to Ethiopia and feed African babies all day, and while this is definitely a good act, I'm not quite prepared to call it a selfless one.

Today being Valentine's Day, I can't help but criticize even the truest human love. Even this has become a selfish ideal, especially in today's society. I don't think I've ever witnessed a love that was truly unconditional, and thus truly selfless.

I am reminded of an episode of FRIENDS that brings up the point: "there's no such thing as a selfless good deed". While I do agree that such deeds are exceedingly rare in the human race, I can't agree that it does not exist at all. John 3:16 is the obvious Christian response to the notion that no selfless good deed can exist. Only One who has absolutely nothing to gain and absolutely everything to lose can fall in the true definition of altruism.

I have searched and searched, and I have failed to come up with an example, in my own life at least, of a truly altruistic act. Perhaps one day I'll find one.

stop searching

Indeed, the kingdom of God is within you.

there's always a siren singing you to shipwreck

(don't reach out, don't reach out)

sabbath day

I've always been amazed at the Old Testament commandment to refrain from work on one day of the week. Why was a commandment for a day off necessary? It seems almost silly to require people to take a day off, even if they don't want to.

Today's world makes it much harder to take time off, to contemplate, to make the day holy. Even Sundays have lost their meaning. Malls keep opening later and later, and some stores refuse to even acknowledge the day. And after coming home on a Sunday, one is too easily bombarded by an informational overload from all types of LCD's coming from the family room, the bedroom, and our pockets. The peaceful and contemplative Sabbath is quickly disappearing.

And so we regress. In the Old era, God had to force His people to stop working so that they remember that day and to keep it holy, for Himself. In the New era, God tells them to be more concerned with the meaning and purpose and not just the ritual. Today, we forget both -- we live in a pseudo-work environment at all times, always ready to respond to that urgent call at a moment's notice. Our peace is gone, but what do we gain? Statistics will say absolutely nothing -- despite the increased work of the past few decades, the standard of living hasn't improved much, and I would argue that it's declined dramatically. Less time for exercise, for spending time with the family, and for contemplation in exchange for more "things" is not an increase in the standard of living, it's a plunge downward. But nobody seems to notice.

carelessly cautious/cautiously careless

One of the most difficult things for me is to control my worrying. It's not that I worry a lot, it's just that I don't know how to find the correct dosage. I've realized that it's a very fine line between not worrying and not caring -- I've found myself constantly O.D.'ing on the medicine.

This is, for me at least, the one of the hardest things to do. To let go of myself completely while still holding on. It's an essential paradox of life. As my homie Gilbert Keith put it, a soldier fighting in battle needs to have a certain modicum of carelessness towards his own life if he wishes to save it; otherwise, he'll cling so dearly to life so as to avoid battle and will probably lose his life doing so. Put much more eloquently, "whoever desires to save his life will lose it."

It's helpful to pause and apply this basic Christian principle to more applicable situations -- friendships, marriages, jobs, anything. Whatever it is you're so afraid of losing is likely already lost. The best relationships in life are those where the people involved are simply careless and free. Free to criticize, to praise, to yell at and to whisper to -- having no fear of losing the other person for speaking your mind. Knowing that no matter what happens, you won't lose me as a friend or spouse or brother, and thus we can live freely, without being enslaved to worry about how a comment could be taken. And this is how life should be -- absolute carelessness meshed with absolute caring. No one said Christianity was an easy thing.

On the other end of the spectrum, cautiousness can be a good thing, but a deadly thing if the dosage is too high:

He who observes the wind will not sow,
And he who regards the clouds will not reap.
--Ecclesiastes 11:4

And here is where "waiting for the right moment" falls flat. Now obviously, if there's a blizzard outside, it's a good idea to wait a little before trying to sow. But after that, we are to do our job as best as we can, at all times:

[Continued]
As you do not know what is the way of the wind,
Or how the bones grow in the womb of her who is with child,
So you do not know the works of God who makes everything.
In the morning sow your seed,
And in the evening do not withhold your hand;
For you do not know which will prosper,
Either this or that,
Or whether both alike will be good.

So be cautious. Be careless. Be caring. Don't worry.

Easier said than done.

inauguration day

"your faith should not be in the wisdom of [Obama] but in the power of God."
--St. Paul

doesn't it scare you?

"....your will's not as strong as it used to be."

flexible

One of the things that's always amazed me about people is their ability to adapt. It's not a talent or a gift - it's an inherent ability given to all human beings. When people get sick their bodies fights back. Someone who never used a computer until age 50 is now constantly on his blackberry. A group of people are found in unlivable conditions, and yet somehow they manage to survive and are even happier than those who have much more. We get used to things, for better or worse. There must be a reason for this.

We know that nothing ever turns out as we plan, so why plan to begin with? We can have a rough sketch of what we want out of life, but as soon as we force ourselves to do something that comports to our plan that is -- in our minds -- written in stone, we will undoubtedly miss great opportunities that fall outside that grand plan of ours.

Let's not be afraid to adapt, to change where we need to change and to stand firm where there can be no room for negotiation. The line "we never change" is only as true as we want it to be.

it's just business

"i got my heart set...

...on what happens next."

change is coming

They say "we never change". It's true, some things never do change.

does altruism exist?