love is not a victory march...

...it's a cold and it's a broken 'hallelujah'

out of right field

Looking at past experience, I think it's fair to say that the best things in life are usually totally and completely unexpected (so are the worst, but I'd rather not focus on that right now). Too often, we wait for something to happen to make us happy. But I barely know what's going to happen in 10 minutes for me to base my mood on a future event that will almost definitely not happen the way I thought it would anyway.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God.
--Philippians 4:6

Soon, life will be a jigsaw falling into place. It might not be the picture you wanted, but then again, since when does anyone know what they want?

take a lesson from me
don't get stuck on a dream

deer readers,

i hit a deer on the way home today. before all two of you get too excited, everything's okay. i'm too exhausted to go into the details, but it happened something like this:

left, right, and all the grays inbetween

There are two obvious extremes when it comes to passion. There is the overly "rational" and passionless human being, and the irrationally passionate human being. Somewhere inbetween, there is a balance that I will eternally strive to find.

The overly rational will tend to see things very objectively. He realizes that the minority of issues in life are black/white. But the obvious danger is that, for this individual, things become less clearly "right" or "wrong." Over-rationalizing a situation makes it exceedingly difficult to find which side is right. An overly rational man will see two similar houses and realize that there are pros and cons to each, and will want to determine each's square footage, yardage, metrics, acreage, tonnage. Without consulting one's "gut" (heart), such a decision can be achingly painful.

Passion, on the other hand, can be an extremely powerful thing. Indeed, crimes of passion are often mitigated because it is understood that, for a moment in time, rationality was entirely ignored. I admire such passionate people, because it reflects something I often find missing in myself. But passion without reason is fatal. One who is going to be so passionate must be absolutely certain (probably by asking other less-biased people) that he is right. St. Paul was passionate about God. Before his transformation, he was passionately killing Christians, knowing for a fact that he was doing God's will. Nothing short of divine revelation would have convinced him otherwise.

When different personalities clash, it is often because each accentuates the other's flaws. Yet when we put our flaws aside, and accentuate instead the other's strengths, it becomes possible to change the world in an incredibly positive manner. A group of twelve men, each different from the one next to him, was able to turn the world upside-down despite - or perhaps only due to - their differing views and personalities.

The power of a group of individuals who are willing to put aside their pride can lift each other up in a way that can hardly be overstated.

on prayer

Because I am utterly unqualified to speak on this topic, here is one take on prayer:

The very question 'Does prayer work?' puts us in the wrong frame of mind from the outset. 'Work': as if it were magic, or a machine - something that functions automatically. Prayer is either a sheer illusion or a personal contact between embryonic, incomplete persons (ourselves) and the utterly concrete Person. Prayer in the sense of petition, asking for things, is a small part of it; confession and penitence are its threshold, adoration its sanctuary, the presence and vision and enjoyment of God its bread and wine. In it God shows Himself to us. That He answers prayers is a corollary - not necessarily the most important one - from that revelation. What He does is learned from what He is.
--CS Lewis, The Business of Heaven (Readings for the Year, November 16).

Here's a take on the relationship of free will and God's will when it comes to prayer:

'God', said Pascal, 'instituted prayer in order to lend to His creatures the dignity of causality.'
He seems to do nothing of Himself which He can possibly delegate to His creatures. He commands us to do slowly and blunderingly what He could do perfectly and in the twinkling of an eye. He allows us to neglect what He would have us do, or to fail. Perhaps we do not fully realize the problem, so to call it, of enabling finite free wills to co-exist with Omnipotence. It seems to involve at every moment almost a sort of divine abdication. We are not mere recipients or spectators. We are either privileged to share in the game or compelled to collaborate in the work, 'to wield our little tridents'. Is this amazing process simply Creation going on before our eyes? This is how (no light matter) God makes something - indeed, makes Gods - out of nothing.
--CS Lewis, The Business of Heaven (Readings for the Year, November 17).

as if a glass could contain the sea

I've been guilty lately of trying to analyze my life through the lens of the earthly eye. It hasn't been working very well for me. Here are some alternate views on the topic:

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
--God.

It's like the sun swallowed up by the earth
like atomic bombs in reverse
as if a glass could contain the sea...
--The Afters

A puddle repeats infinity, and is full of light; nevertheless, if analyzed objectively, a puddle is a piece of dirty water spread very thin on mud. The two great historic universities of England have all this large and level and reflective brilliance. Nevertheless, or, rather, on the other hand, they are puddles--puddles, puddles, puddles, puddles.
--Chesterton

While we are encouraged to reflect on the infinite, we should never expect to fully grasp it. I believe the same concept carries into the reflection on one's life.

Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to evil. Do you want to be unafraid of the authority? Do what is good, and you will have praise from the same. For he is God's minister to you for good. But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain; for he is God's minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. Therefore you must be subject, not only because of wrath but also for conscience' sake. For because of this you also pay taxes, for they are God's ministers attending continually to this very thing. Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor.
--Romans 13:1-7

the hollow statue

One of America's greatest blessings is its love of freedom and liberty. Indeed, this great country was founded upon freedom and independence from its motherland. At the same time, I'm beginning to think that this liberty has become one of America's greatest curses. Liberty seems to have shifted from a means to an end in itself.

We are told to live as "free, yet not using liberty as a cloak for vice." But that's exactly what is happening. Evil has put on the cloak of liberty, and the guise seems to be working very well. People are using liberty as an excuse to advance whatever ulterior motives they have--and the general American population buys it willingly.

But to what end? What is backwards is now called right, and what is crooked is now straight. Evil is cloaked in the word "choice." It has gotten to the point where we can now take another's life because sustaining that life would be "too expensive." But who am I to tell you what to do? It's your freedom.

It's _____'s way now
There is no way out
You can scream and you can shout
It is too late now
Because

YOU HAVE NOT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION.

all eyes on you

There are one of two things you probably want to do right now. You either want to:

1. get drunk and celebrate; or
   
2. get drunk and forget.
   

Obama won, get over it. But the question becomes, "what now?" I'm sorry to break it to you, but come January 2009, not very much will change. The sky won't rain gold, but it won't fall down either. Once this popularity contest settles down, the two extremes -- I hope -- will come back to the middle. Then the real fun begins -- we'll finally get to see what our new president actually stands for.

The problem today is that we put our faith in people. We have shifted from putting our faith in things above to putting our faith in those among us who promise the world. As I saw all the young liberals in Obama's crowd who were moved to tears by Obama's win, I couldn't help but think of how naive and bright-eyed they must be. They are convinced that "change" is right around the corner. They hold hopelessly optimistic dreams -- that health care will be free to everyone; that poverty will disappear; that liberty will be given the highest priority. These educated but inexperienced young people have so much heart and passion. Too bad they can't see that it's often not in the right place.