mea culpa

People often like to defend themselves with long-winded statements and phrases that justify their actions. A long, drawn-out confession can take hours and say absolutely nothing of any value. The brilliance is in the simplicity: "I was wrong. I am sorry. Forgive me." Perhaps we like to complicate things to hide the wretched truth.

But what is forgiveness? I used to think it was simply saying, "it's okay, forget about it" or "it's no big deal". But it's not about minimizing the harm by somehow tricking yourself to thinking that it wasn't a big deal. False. It was a big deal, and it hurt me in unspeakable ways, but knowing that full well, I still forgive you.

starting fresh

hear Me
cease to speak
that I may speak
shush now

declaring war

Last Sunday, the Gospel reading in the Coptic Lectionary was about the temptations of Christ. As soon as He began fasting, the temptations began. They came from all different fronts: temptation of the body, temptation of the mind, and saving the worst for last, temptation of the soul.

Beginning any sort of spiritual climb upward must begin with a declaration of war. As soon as the fast begins, the soldiers start invading, surrounding on all sides. You can't approach it with fear, or be incredulous about it. It is full-on warfare with the darkest of forces.

Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
-St. Paul, to the Ephesians

The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. Brilliant really. He waits for you to put your armor down. He waits for your mistake.

I was going to end on that note, but it's too dark and depressing. There is a light, but it won't be seen till after battle. It's not a hill, it's a mountain; as you start out the climb.

The light waits at the top, if you persevere.

keep it simple

The worst of us are a long drawn-out confession. The best of us are geniuses of compression.

stop helping God across the street like a little old lady

doing more with less

Throughout the scriptures, we are constantly reminded of the paradox: less=more. Five loaves and two fish feed a multitude. Two coins are worth more than an empire. A young man and his friends become stronger despite the reduced intake of food.

I've decided I'm going to stop being a bum and start doing some sort of physical exercise. Maybe posting it on a blog that has a readership of three (slowly increasing) will cement this promise to myself. In any case, I'm starting this new exercising thing during lent, when all I can eat are the variations of soy, beans, and soy beans. Because in essence, fasting is about doing more with less - becoming more efficient in a way. Getting rid of the excesses and focusing on the important. And despite the decreases, I should see increases if I do it right.